I am sitting in Starbucks, looking out at the rain, and the dreary overcast skies. This type of weather always makes me go introspective and think about my life. Today I have dedicated a large amount of time thinking about what it all really means. What does it really mean to be a brother? Does witnessing the same ritual make a brother with everyone else? Or is it something else? I have witnessed the same ritual as everyone else in my chapter, but I would not consider many of those men my brothers, some of them I consider friends, but most of them are no more then roommates, fellow travelers on the road of life. So what makes people actually brothers?
Of the few people I consider true brothers of my heart only a handful are actually from my fraternity. My best friend in the entire world, Brian is a brother to me, but not because of a piece of paper. We are brothers because of shared experiences that tried our very mortality and morality. We have been through too much together to not be brothers of the heart. He stood by me in my darkest hours, and I him. Could I count on my fraternity brothers to do the same? Sadly I can not say that for all of them. So instead of brothers of the heart what are they? Are they superficial brothers? Brothers who stand by me through the good times, but abandon me in times of need? Not that they would intentionally leave me, but they do not understand me, and are not willing to take the time to, or is it me who is not willing to let them in?
Is it I who is to blame for this problem? Is it my way of living that makes it so difficult for me to connect with these men? Or is it some combination of things?
What of Tasch? We come from two different generations of Delts, I from a time of strife, pain and misunderstanding. He from a time of brotherly bonding, forged together for a common goal. While Tasch might not be a brother of the heart, he is far from superficial. While I can consider him a brother, and am honored to have that right, he is more then that. He is a mentor, a lighted sign post on a foggy night. While he might not be a brother like Brian is, he is like the older brother I never had, the abiding influence in my life that I turn to when I need direction. I know I could turn to him in my hour of need, and he would stand by me, but by leaning upon him so heavily how would that irreversibly change our relationship? Would it change how he viewed me? Would it change how I saw him? If he saw the darkness, would he turn away? Or would he push through it? That in itself is a foolish question, one I know the answer to. He would stand there stoically, listen to me speak and cry out in pain, he would offer some simple word of wisdom, that would blind me in its simplicity. But am I ready to have him cross that line, from mentor/older brother to an older brother of the heart? I do not know.
What of Chris. My pledge brother, and best friend. The man who held me together through some of the most difficult things I have ever faced within my chapter. He is more then a brother of the heart. Christopher is the epitome of the founding principles of Delta Tau Delta. He is an inspiration to us all, inspiring us to become better, better brothers and better people in general. Christopher has shown me what it truly means to be a brother, and what it really means to be a Delt, more then he will ever know. It is my most sincere wish that I could return the favor in some way. I have and always will stand next to him as he struggles with everything that comes his way, pulling him back up as he falls, and shoving him forward when he is reluctant. But I can not fix everything, the chapter turned their back on him, and in turn he turned his back on them. Unfortunately the chapter suffered much more, yet they can not seem to even notice how much they have lost in this one man. While he is only one man, he could and would have brought that chapter to new heights.
So how do I bridge the gap, between myself and my fellow travelers? How do I bring Christopher back to the fold. How do you inspire people to reach out, to stop thinking of just themselves? How can I incorporate the lessons I learn from the Brothers of my Heart, and of my Mentor in to my everyday life? Can I truly continue living as I do, one day at a time struggling daily with these questions plaguing my every move? Is there even a way to do this? Can I truly become the man and the brother I wish to be? That is a question that has yet to be answered, one that might not ever really be answered at all.
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